Friday, April 24, 2009

Every Outing is an Adventure

Lunch today could have easily been one of the Three Stooges skits. It was food time when we got to the mall, but then we discovered one of the van's tires was going flat, so I got out the air pump Doug keeps in the car, plugged it into the cigarette lighter, and fifteen minutes later, the tire was fixed temporarily, but now Emerson was the one leaking lots of hot air as he howled during his stroll to Piccadilly. I guess he thought being as loud as possible would best communicate his angst over lunch not being served on time. I wasn't overly concerned because I was sure we could feed the babies in their stroller while standing in line. Nope.

I've now learned that the lid on Emerson's sippy cup was defective, but since I lack ESP, I gave it to him, promptly pouring out all 7 ounces, soaking him, his car seat, his bear, the burp cloth, the floor--you get the picture. Just close your eyes and imagine the chaos: Emerson is still screaming, and people are starting to stare. Amelia is sucking happily away on her milk, looking like the innocent angel she is not. And Wyatt keeps annoyingly saying, "I want some chicken pox!" So, what do I do? I leave my parents in line with the kids, hike back out to the van, and sweat my way back inside with the back-up sippy cup to silence Emerson. The problem is that Amelia finished her sippy cup at that very moment, sees me give Emerson "another one" (in her mind) and starts howling, herself, because of the injustice of it all!

We finally reach our destination--a table in the back corner--but Emerson is just beyond unhappy at this point and his sopping-wet raccoon-outfitted body demands to be held so he can take swipes at my carrot souffle. And of course, that's the exact moment Wyatt turns over his water cup into his plate, so I have to be kill an entire tree by using everyone's napkins to sop up as much water as possible so he can still eat the "sauce" (gravy) on his meat. Can Amelia and Emerson wait to have their poopy diapers until after the meal? Oh no. That'd be too easy. So, I just changed them both right in the booth while Wyatt enjoys his "tasty treat" (red jello).

At this point, we make a half-hearted effort to shop in Sears, but we're all exhausted and just decide to go home. Back in the van, Wyatt blows his nose on a tissue, I congratulate him on such a big blow, he shows us the snot, and then he proceeds to EAT IT OFF of the tissue so that Granddaddy even screams, "Wyatt!!!" UGH!!!!!

Yep: that's another outing gone wrong.

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