Green is the New Black

There’s just way too much political correctness going around lately—it’s stifling…and deceptive! Nobody feels free to say what they really think. I’m not talking about race or class or religion. I’m talking about the eco-trend to “be green.” Don’t get me wrong—I love the world God gave me, and I believe in doing my part to take care of it. I grow a vegetable garden, I plant flowers, I leave huge trees growing on my land to suck up the Co2, I visit the local Farmer’s Market, I combine trips to save fuel, I set my AC/heater thermostats high in the summer and insanely low in the winter to save fuel (and $$). But, I’m sick of having every magazine and e-newsletter I subscribe to harass me and convince me I need to make my life GREENER. I’m happily “green enough,” thank you. It’s like a plague I can’t escape! And now Wyatt’s cartoons on PBS are hypnotically repeating the same Communist manifesto! “Be Green On a Budget!” or “New Trends In Being Green” or (my favorite) “Kids Can Go Green, Too!”

It’s like our society has decided that since all our problems (rising cost of health care, the economy, social security, our deteriorating roads) seem to be in such a hopeless round-about with no real, long-lasting solution, why don’t we make individuals feel like worthless toads if they don’t make their life’s main focus helping the environment. Yeah, that’s a good idea! Take the focus off fixing the economy and put it on fixing the environment! Wow--a great distraction! Let’s convince everybody they need new cars because their old ones aren’t environmentally friendly enough. And while we’re at it, we’ll convince them several other major appliances aren’t green enough, too. Oh, and they need a new wardrobe made out of bamboo or other fibers that are replenishable. Pretty soon, the landfills are piling up and the economy is back on track. Brilliant!

The masterminds behind this plan have become like Sam-I-Am in the classic Green Eggs and Ham book. Remember? The unnamed main character tries valiantly to convince the obnoxious Sam-I-Am, “I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM!!!” Does Sam-I-Am listen? No, of course not—he worked for CBS. He badgers the poor guy until finally at the end of the book, the unnamed character caves in and tries the stuff, surprisingly learning that he does like green food.

No, he doesn’t. Not really. He just got sick of Sam-I-Am’s green mantra and caved. He got sick of hearing the gasps at play-groups from other moms who learned he wasn’t doing anything new to “be green.” He was tired of his house being bombed by organically grown tomatoes and free-range, grain-fed chicken eggs, all thrown by his old neighbors who, in self defense, had just recently become environmental activists themselves. So, he chokes down more of the green goopy eggs, which were probably undercooked anyway.

Well, I don’t like the color green! I like purple!