Building Castles

My brother's wife, Aunt Liza, graduated from LSU law school today; it actually went better than I expected with the twins and Wyatt, although at one point, I held a sleeping Amelia against my chest and a pitiful "I need mommy" Wyatt on my knees. This pitiful mood is new, but when it struck, he couldn't play with Uncle Johnathan any longer, and even M&M's wouldn't cut it--it was mommy's lap or a continued bawling fit.


The two plus hours of my mom, dad, and I playing lap-swap with the babies was made tolerable by a precious lady behind us who would shake her bracelet when Amelia started to fuss, and another couple who would hold Emerson's outstretched hand. Even afterwards at a long, leisurely luncheon, the three of them were easily placated with food. Yep--their ability to behave in a social setting for 5 hours was a God thing because after they got home, they were their normal fussy, I-need-a-nap selves again.


I'm so proud of Liza (she had 100+ hours of pro bono work!! Talk about someone who gives back!), but the entire day was just bittersweet and surreal, especially sitting in the same building where Doug graduated just a few years ago & standing outside watching Johnathan and Liza take photos together where Doug and I also had posed. Aren't they just a beautiful couple? I see the same unity in their stance, the same look in their eyes as I see in those old photos of me and Doug. This picture speaks of the hardship they have overcome together, of the joy and relief that they've survived a trial together, of the shared visions of what can now be. They have the look of freedom, of youth, of dreams that are only as high as they can imagine.

I came home and had a good cry.....can't even write this without more tears as I remember Doug and me rejoicing at those same dreams before us, building castles in the sky and sleeping beneath them in wild expectation that something great was mere moments away...no more. I just still can't accept that over means "over." I don't think I'll ever accept it because I know what God has done throughout history in other hopeless situations. I will pray with my dying breath that God overturns everything that has happened so Doug can be reinstated as a lawyer again to follow that dream.

Until then, I ask you, God, will you please build those castles for us? Give us a new, even greater dream? Another unified purpose where visions of what's to come permeate our thoughts, day and night? Something...anything to make the death of this particular dream not so painful.