Thursday, May 28, 2009

Building Castles

My brother's wife, Aunt Liza, graduated from LSU law school today; it actually went better than I expected with the twins and Wyatt, although at one point, I held a sleeping Amelia against my chest and a pitiful "I need mommy" Wyatt on my knees. This pitiful mood is new, but when it struck, he couldn't play with Uncle Johnathan any longer, and even M&M's wouldn't cut it--it was mommy's lap or a continued bawling fit.

The two plus hours of my mom, dad, and I playing lap-swap with the babies was made tolerable by a precious lady behind us who would shake her bracelet when Amelia started to fuss, and another couple who would hold Emerson's outstretched hand. Even afterwards at a long, leisurely luncheon, the three of them were easily placated with food. Yep--their ability to behave in a social setting for 5 hours was a God thing because after they got home, they were their normal fussy, I-need-a-nap selves again.

I'm so proud of Liza (she had 100+ hours of pro bono work!! Talk about someone who gives back!), but the entire day was just bittersweet and surreal, especially sitting in the same building where Doug graduated just a few years ago & standing outside watching Johnathan and Liza take photos together where Doug and I also had posed. Aren't they just a beautiful couple? I see the same unity in their stance, the same look in their eyes as I see in those old photos of me and Doug. This picture speaks of the hardship they have overcome together, of the joy and relief that they've survived a trial together, of the shared visions of what can now be. They have the look of freedom, of youth, of dreams that are only as high as they can imagine.

I came home and had a good cry.....can't even write this without more tears as I remember Doug and me rejoicing at those same dreams before us, building castles in the sky and sleeping beneath them in wild expectation that something great was mere moments more. I just still can't accept that over means "over." I don't think I'll ever accept it because I know what God has done throughout history in other hopeless situations. I will pray with my dying breath that God overturns everything that has happened so Doug can be reinstated as a lawyer again to follow that dream.

Until then, I ask you, God, will you please build those castles for us? Give us a new, even greater dream? Another unified purpose where visions of what's to come permeate our thoughts, day and night? Something...anything to make the death of this particular dream not so painful.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you, and for God to unfold a dream before you ...