Monday, July 6, 2009

I Scared

The storm hit five minutes after all three children were safely tucked in bed. God chose that exact moment to tap His baton and direct nature's orchestra in a rather loud movement of His newest fugue.

This was in-your-face music, as if I were sitting far above the earth in the pit with the musicians, themselves. I seriously considered going to find my earplugs so I could continue my work, but instead, I sat and listened to the beauty of the music, music that has been rare here lately in the sun-parched South.

I flinched with each crash of cymbals as their frequency increased in crescendo. I watched in anticipation for the accompanying light show tracing intricate patterns across the sky and lighting up an otherwise blue-black night.

Then, the electricity flashed off. Darkness save for the light of my laptop. A dramatic finish to this part of the composition.

Seconds later, the electricity returned; the bass drum decreased its intensity; and a slow, steady snare drum beat in time to the rain descending upon the roof.

Then, from down the hall came cries of panic, fear, and a desperate need for mommy.

The twins had been oblivious to God's orchestra being played over their dreamy little heads. Wyatt, however, had listened in silence to the entire performance only to realize with the absence of the noise from his window unit air conditioner that the electricity had gone out.

After I calmed down a hysterical 2-year-old, I asked what was the problem (like I didn't know).

"I scared."

"Why? Mommy's here."

"I can't find the light."

He doesn't sleep with a night light. Since infancy, he's slept in darkness in a room with blacked-out windows so not a ray of light gets in. But he knew the air conditioner's noise meant the light was there if he needed it.

This is the first time he's ever vocalized his fear, which means he is old enough to be taught how to start dealing with fear. How can I explain to a 2-year-old mind that the light is always there even if he can't see it? That if he could see Jesus, Jesus would appear as bright as the sun? That Jesus watches over him all day and night to protect him when he's afraid? That there is no darkness to God? That God turns the darkest of dark into the brightest of day?

How can I make him believe and trust in these truths....especially when I know them, myself, but still sometimes become scared of the darkness?

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jennifer,
    How I appreciate reading about your mother's heart with your three young children. With my own children now aged 29, 26 and 24, it's been a long while since I've had to carry a frightened toddler in my arms in the middle of the night. Maybe the memory of my own questions, like what you shared in your post, is buried underneath the more recent questions that relate more to my children's adult issues.

    Still I understand how your heart feels. During the times that I had no good enough answers, God somehow broke through for me. May I invite you to read my post entitled MY FIRST BORN SON? It can be found at:

    I pray that you will continue to find joy and challenge in raising your three children to become kingdom citizens.