Before bringing my firstborn home, I made a decision this would not be a co-sleeping household.I realize it works for some mothers, but I also know myself--I am an extremely light sleeper who is at her absolute grumpiest, meanest, snappiest when I don't get enough sleep. It's seriously like a Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing--ask my poor husband.
Yet, since I wanted Wyatt near me, I compromised by putting a bassinet right by the bed. Not even one full week home from the hospital, I realized my son was a light sleeper like me. I would wake up with his smallest sigh, and he would wake up when I would shift positions.
We were both miserable. So, off he went to sleep in his crib.
And we never looked back...until last night when Wyatt was bit by his first real stomach-emptying bug.
Even with bedpan in hand, he would still manage to throw up everywhere but there. With the waves hitting him almost every hour on the hour from 7 pm until 3:30 am this morning, it was obvious I would be listening to the monitor for cries of another round more than I would be sleeping.
So, I made a pallet by my bed with some purple towels and his special Thomas pillow. Then, I covered him with his daddy's John Deere blanket. Sick as he was, the small, exhausted smile on his face said, "I am special. I am loved."
I understand that smile. It's the out of the ordinary acts of love that make my heart so tender, that make me really, really feel the love from others.
It's a random sticky note from my husband. A homemade birthday cake. A hand-made doll from my mother. A snail mail "just because" card from a friend. An image of Jesus hanging on the cross.
Those unexpected, undeserved acts. I take them all in.
And I know....I am loved.
My 15-year old, on the first night home, tried the bassinet. A brute, he was. We found him under the mattress the first time we checked on him. His tiny muscles had already found a way to tear the place apart. His bassinet experience lasted all of an hour and he went to his own room.
ReplyDeleteBut a few weeks ago, that same 15-year old was up all night with Wyatt's bug, and I stayed up with him, and it was just like his labor, contractions like clockwork.
Doesn't matter how big or strong or old they get, they look for that thing they get from their mama...
Sophie has received way too much lovin' in her 3 1/2 years.
ReplyDeleteLet me explain. Although I full-well knew from my experience with Cammie--letting her sleep in our bed far too long and then having to break while I was pregnant with Sophie--I caved too many times with Sophie.
You'd think the memory of me curled up in a fetal position (pregnant, mind you) while Cammie cried and cried in her own bed would be all that I needed. You'd think that the memories of Courtney learning to put herself to sleep right about the age that Gavin is now--4ish months old--would be enough.
But here I am re-doing the bedtime routine of old (you know, age twoish) and then working towards breaking her of getting in my bed in the wee hours.
HEAVY. STINKIN'. SIGH.
I am eating my own words. I will say that Sophie getting sick as well as a few other "very good reasons" would be the cause of us being where we are now. But we have let it drag on far too long. Sure, there have been many setbacks. And her tent and sleeping bag in our bedroom should be a great alternative. And it has. Yet, we have caved over and over again.
Alas, we are in a battle. I am determined to win. With the help of Supernanny and her wisdom, of course.
Beautiful post! This makes me want to try even harder to bless those around me! Thank you for sharing!
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