My three year old, Wyatt, summed up today perfectly. As the twins played under "his" mountain, he looked down from his summit perch and screamed, "ARRGGH!!! There's too much babies!!!"Too much babies going from room to room dumping out toy boxes, pulling dozens of books one by one from the bookshelf and throwing them on the floor, refusing to nap (at all), fighting over the very air I breathe, and crying for hours at their poor mommy...because they didn't nap!!
So much angst, all because mommy can't sit on the floor 24 hours a day and be for lap lovin's.
It doesn't help that everywhere I go, I see other moms with nary a wrinkle on their perfectly-makeup-ed brow as they have yet another great hair day. I watch their perfectly-behaved, perfectly-dressed children who don't ditch their shoes or hair bows every time mommy isn't looking.And every time I see these women, I wonder, what is my problem!? Why can't I just get it together?
How much longer before the babies grow out of this incessant crying phase? Before I don't feel a little bit insane at the end of each day? Before I am allowed 10 minutes where no one cries, screams, or sings, "Mommmmmyyy...oh, mommmmyyyy? when he can't instantly locate me"
I fall asleep many a night wondering how I'll make it through another day.
Then, tomorrow comes.
And God gives me just enough grace to make it through that one day. But by the time the last child is tucked firmly into bed, I'm again asking the same question--how can I do this again tomorrow?
Although I know God would never do such a thing, on days like today, it feels like He skimped on my daily dose of grace, almost like His gallon of grace was coming up short, so He didn't quite make my dose touch the 2 ounce line.
Fifteen months of twindom. Fifteen months of God providing me with just enough grace for each day.
He's never failed me. He is always faithful. I just have to take a deep breath, a steaming hot bath, and remind myself of who He is...and how I could never, ever make it without Him.
Matthew 6:24: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:24).
Oh so true.
ReplyDeleteI don't have twins, but at one point my husband and I had 5 kids, ages 6 and under...and I thought I would never make it to bed-time most days. But I can say, years later, that: Yes, the day will come when they no longer cry like that...and then you will spend the days wondering "Do they know I love them...and do they love me or do they just have to say that as they leave the car for school?"
His grace, thankfully, is there in EVERY stage of mommmy-hood!
Thanks for this great post as it was a refresher to my soul...
Bina
PS - that picture...I LOVE that picture
Jennifer, praying for an extra gallon today.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm with Bina -- great picture.
The mom's with great hair probably have a nanny, just kidding. I didn't have twins, but I remember those days when I would be so busy I'd forget to take a shower. My oldest son was born with heart problems, so before his 8 mo. old operation, I would sit and hold him all day (he also had colic, so I pretty much had to because he screamed all day for the first 4 months). Believe me, I know what you feel like when you think you're going crazy. Just hang in there and keep praying for God's grace. This season will pass and you'll even look back on it and laugh. God bless
ReplyDeleteOh Jennifer,
ReplyDeletethose moms have stories that they may not tell. They have them, though. I'm sure of it!
The awesome thing to me is that you allow your daily life lessons to be lessons for us as well. You always, always share what you've learned. You always, ALWAYS give glory to our Lord.
I'll tell you what I see--I see a woman determined to live for Christ. A woman who will not settle for giving anything less than her very best. I see a woman who loves Him and loves his people enough to give of herself every single day. If nowhere else (and oh, I'm sure there are countless other ways), here on this blog.
Just over the past 48 hours I thought about calling or emailing and quite honestly--venting. Because I know I could. Because you are that kind of friend. Because I know you would not be partial having known each person entagled in my little problems. Because I know that your source is in HIM! In the Word! Because I know you are compassionate.
And now I'm crying just typing this. When I feel harried or stressed over my little one, it makes me think of you. And that--I hope will always prompt me to pray for you.
And when I see you coming with your three little ones (though it's only been a couple of times) I see grace in the form of a mother who carries herself with a calmness that I cannot comprehend. You may not feel it inside, but you are indeed a picture of His grace!
Love you much!
Rena
Dear Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all... I love the picture you posted with this entry. Where and how did you find it!?
Then, I must tell you that you are not doing anything wrong... please hang in there. You are an encouragement to God Himself, I am very sure of that.
He doesn't expect perfection, I'm sure I don'thave to tell you that, but anyway, I just did.
Love your heart... I believe God gave twins to moms He knew He could trust. Can't look at it any other way!
Love you!
Lidj
Sorry to be so cliche, but...been there, done that. My twins are 22 yrs old now. When they were 3 yrs old, I paid a lot of money to have a guy come in and paint clouds on the slanted ceiling in their bedroom. A few days later it got awfully quiet...I went up to see what they were up to, and there they were sitting on their beds without a stitch of clothing on, with red hands and feet, and RED clouds! They got their hands on a red marker. My face probably matched that color perfectly when I saw what they had done.
ReplyDeleteBut I had prayed for twins, and looking back I'm so grateful to God for those two dear boys! And by His Grace, so will you...
I sincerely appreciate all the encouragement, ladies! God used you to lift my spirits.
ReplyDelete